Have you been following the absolute truama that Steve, Director at mobile agency, iTagg, has been having with his Blackberry?

Here’s the final part of the saga — real time!  The following text relates to this morning!

———-

Steve continues:
Midday, 24 hours after buying this damned Blackberry from CPW. Ok latest instalment based on the fact that it still says ‘SIM card rejected’ after 24 hours.  For brevity I’ll leave out the fun you have going through security and a million and one keypad options and also the standard re-explaining to each customer services person for the millionth time about what the issue is.

- called cpw. "We can’t do anything here, you will need to speak to blackberry support. I can put you through…transfering you now sir"…brrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is there a single human being at cpw capable of using their internal office phones!!??

- called cpw. Explain whole bloody thing again and they put me through to Bb support.

- "Hi blackberry support here…well we are only handset support not account support but let me try to help, can you give me the number on the SIM card".  After 5 minutes of trying to get the SIM out of the Bb (has anyone tried this - incredibly difficult!) I read the number and he says "sorry but that is not an O2 SIM".  Cpw had put me through to O2 instead of t mobile Bb support!!  Incompetence reigns at Carphone Warehouse!!

- I call t mobile support directly (the previous cpw woman had given the t mobile number even though she’d pressed the big red re-direct button that says ‘O2′). The guy looks up my mobile number and says that it is a PAYG SIM and because my account is a contract one I will have to get cpw to change it over.  So the lovely lady in the Kings Road shop (remember her, I said how helpful she was!) had given me a PAYG instead of contract SIM.

- I call cpw again. "let me call t mobile now for you sir to double check this…ok I have just spoken to them sir and no, we didn’t give you the wrong SIM, t mobile have failed your second credit check and that is what they just told us". "but they told me just 5 minutes ago that they didn’t…oh forget this, let me speak to your supervisor".

- cpw supervisor. "ok my colleague spoke to t mobile sir and no, we didn’t give you the wrong SIM, t mobile have failed your second credit check and that is what they just told us. and it aint just the first level of credit check where we take a deposit and the world is all ok again, this is the big black you are a dodgy east end gangster check where I will now have to ask you to return the phone to the shop". "excuse me!!!!!!!!!!!?????????? but they told me that it was your fault". "no sir they told us it is you who have failed the credit check, please return the phone or it will be blacklisted and you will not be able to use it". "but I can’t use it anyway". "please return the handset to a cpw shop sir".

- ok one last call to t mobile to see if they are suddenly saying what cpw tell me they are saying. I give the full history (the Reduced Shakespeare Company version) and the very lovely woman (and I mean ‘lovely’!) says "ooh I see ok let me look at your account. ah yes it’s showing as a PAYG with a funny symbol up there on my screen which my colleagues should have spotted and which simply means I just need to go to another database…tap tap…ok if I could just double check a few bits of information with you as it had a small tiny temporary block on it…ok that’s great if you could just bear with me while I speak to the provisioning department. let me take your phone number incase we get cut off and I’ll call you straight back". Wow, what a novel idea! I am going to patent that one!!  "excuse me, are you married, because I have never ever ever met such a nice and helpful person as you in my entire history of dealing with t mobile or cpw. will you marry me?". "ooh sir you are cheeky".

- 5 mins on hold. "ok sir it’s now all done".  and as the word ‘done’ falls beautifully from her golden lips, my blackberry springs into life! She is an angel.

So the moral of the story: It is my honest opinion that Carphone Warehouse are unprofessional, unhelpful and unfriendly. They have no idea how to use their own internal phone system. They have no idea what on earth is going on with anything. They simply do not deserve to exist as a company.  They are quite simply incompetent.

So you ask, have I played with the Blackberry yet?  No.  I really can’t be arsed. It is balancing precariously on a pile of instruction manuals, cpw contracts, etc on the corner of my desk…and if it falls on the floor and breaks I really do not give a stuff right now. Ask me again next week once I’ve had chance to calm down and experience the handset rather than the shite company that sold it to me.

———-

So, has this coloured your Blackberry experience, Steve?  Heh! 

With regard to your request for comments on what people think of their own network…

… writes someone working with a well known mobile related organisation…

Vodafone have pi**ed me off lately, by telling me that MMS messages were included in my SMS bundle (one MMS being worth 3 SMS) which helped persuade me to renew my contract at the start of August, only to then send me a text two weeks later to say that MMS messages would no longer be charged for as part of a bundle, I’d have to pay separately… I phoned up to complain, and they said I just had to call back on September 1st, when the whole thing would be forgotten about, and things would go back to the way they were. Eh? You know what, I couldn’t be arsed.

I know they would’ve only fobbed me off again, and to be honest, I do get a bit weary of it all.

Do they want people to use their messaging services or not? I love sending an MMS now and again - I sent one to my friend just this week (of a cake I’d made which accidentally turned out like a pink glittery bum) despite the cost (I know it’s only a few p, but it still should be part of my bloody bundle) If they sorted out pricing, my poor mates would be inundated, revenues up for them, jobs a good ‘un.

This is where a Vodafone Blog Rep could sort things out. These companies really should have someone who can respond to these types of issues and mend the annoyance felt by this author.

There will no doubt be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why that in-bundle offer was stopped, changed or ended and I’m sure they’ll have covered themselves with terms and conditions and notifications to all and sundry. It’s just unfortunate that this author had just renewed her contract when the in-bundle offer ended.

I reckon the author should summon up her patience, call Vodafone now and find out what the status is. I’m sure they’ll have sorted it out now.

Earlier I published a magnum opus by Steve, one of the directors at mobile marketing company, iTagg.

It chronicles his experience buying a Blackberry this afternoon.

The next edition is in!

Steve made the rather silly mistake of assuming that he should be able to walk out of the Carphone Warehouse store with his device operational.

That ain’t how it works, Steve

With a pained expression, I now present to you “Putting you on hold sir” - a modern day Blackberry acquisition tragedy in 3 acts.

——————–

Steve writes:

I promise you, none of this is made up. This has really just happened…every single excrutiating second of it. In case you didn’t read the earlier instalments on here, the company in question is CARPHONE WAREHOUSE (ok T Mobile also play a minor part as supporting actor but the lead role is definitely CPW). I make that very clear because I want everybody to know exactly who I am talking about and not be under any illusion that I may be talking about some tinpot company in the outer hebrides who could be excused such shoddy customer services (actually I apologise to our most northern of friends, I bet you could do a million times better).

So…the scene is set, we have a lone businessman sat at his study desk, the light from his green desklamp arcing across the room, the sound of children playing in the distance…the curtain rises…

someone’s mobile in the audience begins to ring…huff’s all round…

the actor re-composes himself, the audience’s tutting dies down, act one…

Act I
- 17:00hrs: 5 hours after my almost orgasmic shopping experience for my first Blackberry I can take the withdrawal no longer. I have turned the Bb on to see if it is powered up enough to work (but it’s still charging, honest). “SIM Card Rejected”. Oh bugger.

- I call cpw helpline (of course no direct number through to the helpful lady in the shop). I endure 75 seconds of “hi we are a lovely company and have a website for you to go to, but if you really do want to waste our bloody time then press 1 for…..2 for…..3 for something that sounds like it might be what you want…”. I press 3. “now press 1 if you are on shoddy network number one, 2 for shoddy network number 2…..press 789 for your network”. I press 789.

- “Hi. security check first please before I even say good afternoon to you sir, because until you prove that you are at least the third son of the Duke of Wyneburgh, I will not lower myself to give you the time of day, never mind a courteous ‘hello welcome to hell’.”. security done…almost…”what is steve short for?”. “it’s short for steve”. “that’s not what we have on our system”. ” well that’s my name, it always has been, it was when I told the lovely lady in your shop and it always will be, change your system”. “I can’t do that sir, first I need to check a few things, popping you on hold”. brrrrhhhhhhhh…..

- call back, 75 secs of crap sales bullshit, 1 for, 2 for…3. press 3. “which crap network?” number 789 please. security check. done. “steve hi there, nice name, I’m not even going to attempt to be so anal as to suggest that we have Stephen on our system but you are telling me that your name is Steve so I need to smash the glass and call in the Spooks as we have an imposter. how can I help you today?”. “sim rejected”. oh dear that’s no good, let me pop you on hold as I’m the token nice guy today and really want to help you. brrrrhhhhhhhhhhh……..

- call back, 75 secs of crap sales bullshit, 1 for, 2 for…3. press 3. “which crap network?” number 789 please. brrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhh……..

- call back, 75 secs of crap sales bullshit, 1 for, 2 for…3. press 3. “which crap network?” number 789 please. security check. done. “steve hi there, sim rejected, ooh dear, let me put you on hold”. “NOOOOOOOO, please don’t, you always lose me”. “I won’t lose you sir”…brrrhhhhhhhhhh………….

[for fucks sake. a major international mobile phone company and their staff are so fucking useless that they cannot work the call-on-hold button on the phones. who is the dozy sod that is responsible for setting this cowboy outfit up and employing morons!? Or is it their knackered old telephony system that is dysfunctional, in which case I apologise to the humans who are forced to operate it everyday.]

- call back, 75 secs of crap sales bullshit, 1 for, 2 for…3. press 3. “which crap network would you like, press…”. number 789 please. security check. done. “sim rejected? but didn’t the shop tell you, it takes up to 24 hrs to send the configuration signal to your device”. “Oh ok, fair enough although I must say I work in the business and have had a fair number of handsets over the years and it has never taken more than a few hours; and I must say the fact the woman in the shop didn’t tell me this news has significantly affected my expectations on your company and services”. …..[They could learn a lot from Amazon who tell you your books will take 4 days and always arrive in 2 so you think 'wow, faster than they promised, wow!!']….. “but hey ho. at least you appreciate that Steve and Stephen are the same name. While I’m here can I please activate the email data stuff and the Webwalk options”. “no sorry you have to call t mobile for that, here’s their number”. “but I bought it of you and…oh Whatever…”.

- [commercial break]. main actor goes to the loo, takes small bottle of “tonic water” from inside jacket pocket…..(well these tragedies are mentally tough to perform you know!!). Hey quick question. why don’t they have breaks in the cinema any more, I always liked that…why are cinemas different to theatres where a nice G&T at half time is most welcome!?

Act II
- call t mobile. ok everyone in the audience lets sing the ‘Press 666 for the Devil’ song…after 3…”hi there, welcome to a completely different company from the one you contracted with today. we are great and have a website where you can go and do everything your frigging self, because we are a bunch of lazy buggers filing our nails and talking about last nights Eastenders. press 1 for…..666 to speak to the devil himself…853 for a Customer Interaction Operative” - ok I made that title up but it sounds like the sort of toss-talk these companies speak.

- “hi there, mobile number please…ok thanks, when did you last do a top-up?”. “excuse me? it is a brand new phone on a contract (a damned expensive contract but hey lets chat about that one another time)”. “oh, but our system shows it as a PAYG phone”. ” well it aint. so anyway, story so far…bought at CPW, had pizza afterwards, went home..did a bit of business, had a cup of tea, blah blah, 5 phone calls, sim rejected, they say ring you, blah blah. what you gonna do about it”. tap tap, let me put you on hold…[now crossing my fingers that she presses the big one marked in red that says "HOLD" rather than the tiny one on the back of the phone that says "hang up"]. 2 mins…wow she did it, she’s back!!! well done you telesales person you, go sit at the front and put another gold sticker on your name badge. “ok well I can see it is a new account [2 new stickers for this young lady] but I can also see that the activation signal sent by CPW has likely failed so I am pretty sure from experience that when this happens you must go back to the shop to have it re-activated”. “but going back to the shop is massively inconvenient”. “well call CPW because there is nothing I can do”. “what and tell them that you said it is in their hands, do you really think they’ll believe me?”. “well they’ll have to”. !!!!!! “and as for what I was actually ringing for which was to enable my data and webwalk stuff, can I do that now?”. “no, not until the phone is activated”.

- [are you laughing or crying at this point in the cheap seats?
Act III
- call back CPW, 75 secs of crap sales bullshit, 1 for, 2 for...3. press 3. "which crap network would you like, press...". number 789 please. security check. done. "Hi there, ok story so far........................". "the person at t mobile said that? well there is nothing more we can do here. if it isn't activated by midday tomorrow [24hrs] then call t mobile”. “I knew you’d say that, and I knew she’d say to call you. Do you really think it is fair to have your customer treated as a ping pong ball?”. “hhmmm. well let me put you on hold and call t mobile myself for you”. on hold, by a CPW person….oh noooooo, please…..I can hardly breath as I wait for the on hold tone to turn to a disconnected tone…..

- he’s back!!!!! hoorah!! “ok sir I’ve re-sent the activation for you [although I'm not going to tell you what the conversation between us and t mobile was about]. if it isn’t working by midday tomorrow call us back”. “what, call cpw or t mobile? make your mind up. and it seems you can send re-activations while I’m on the phone rather than, as t mobile said, return to the shop. does anybody know the full true story of how any of this work?”. “as I say sir if it isn’t ready by midd…..”. Ok he is now back to reading from his cards, has turned his brain off and aint listening. bye bye…

[the end]

What will tomorrow’s instalment bring? Tune in at midday when this frigging activation signal better be on a silver platter, held by a troop of synchronised swimmers in their working clothes stood at my front door singing [to the tune of the cpw tv ads] “welcome to to carphone warehouse STEPHEN”.

Steve

——————–

An elementary mistake Steve, assuming that you could have your device working when you left the shop.

I now remember that I had exactly the same trouble — when I bought my device, and when I got the one for our MD, Hetty. For some unknown reason, the network needs ‘a day’ to work. Totally 100% annoying. I can remember constantly picking up my device to see if it was working. I can remember cursing the staff at The Link who said ‘er, yeah, give it a day.’

Now, while this sounds like a reasonable request for a sales/support person to make — it simply isn’t. Not when you’ve just sold me some gorgeous technology. I want it to work NOW.

Why wasn’t it provisioned last week? So that when I walk in, it will work right away?

Ah well……. keep the faith, Steve!

(If you’re having or have had similar trauma… I want to hear about it — mail me!)

Yesterday I had lunch with the team at iTagg.  Excellent lunch.  We went to Pizza Express near the river by London Bridge.  I had an American (that’s a pizza).

I was talking with the guys about the Blackberry vs Windows Mobile — and just how disappointed I’ve been in the past. 

Well butter me in honey and call me Sharon, one of the iTagg directors, Steve, has gone and got one!  He sent me a text from the shop — then sent me this description of his Blackberry buying experience:

——————

Steve, Director of iTagg writes:

Well I did it!  I am now officially among the ranks of the always-connected - I’ve bought my first Blackberry!!  So let me bring you up to date with my mobile phone shopping experience…

As you will recall from my first instalment, the thought of going in to mobile shops to be shown plastic demo toys by a spotty 16yr old doing work experience fills me with dread.  And last weeks trip where I ran out of the 2nd shop in a cold sweat left me thinking that actually my old handset was ok for at least another 10 years.

But after chatting to Ewan yesterday I finally decided that yes, a Blackberry (Bb) was what I wanted right now and I was just gonna do it.  So after a fruitless trip to the Ad:tech exhibition (a bunch of online advertising types all comparing the sizes of each others search results list - another story!!), I jumped in a cab to take me to the nearest T Mobile store.

Now how did I know where that store was, because I’d spent 15 minutes on google and the t mobile website trying to locate their store locator.  Good web design t mobile - NOT!!!  It said Kings Road.  So off I went, asking the cheeky chappie driver to drive the length of the Great Kings Road looking for this damn shop.  Well I can tell you, if it is there they have removed the sign from the front and changed the window display to show clothes instead (and not even your cool 60’s "when the Kings Rd really was THE place to be" clothes either).

So we found an Orange, CPW and Phones4U shop all next to each other so out I jumped.  I would only go in to a Phones4U shop if I was dragged through the door kicking and screaming and then offered a neck massage whilst a fair maiden softly chatted about how they had changed to become really friendly and all the female staff would like to come out for a few drinks with me tonight to chat over the tariff options.  Even then I’d be suspicious.  Orange - well I like them in a funny "they were my first ever network and so they are quite sweet really" sort of way.  But as t mobile were the only ones doing the Bb I had to do it…

So in I step to CPW.  They were busy but I saw one guy in one of those waiting-for-the-computer-to-think moments so I gently asked if they had any Bb’s in stock.  "YES! but can’t you see I’m busy!!".  Blimey mate, you’ll go far in life with an attitude like that.  Clearly looking at a screen that says "processing, please wait" and thinking about what devices they sell is far too much for his brain.

The 2nd guy was dealing with a mother and daughter who were new to the UK and were busily handing over their passports to prove they weren’t a couple of east end gangsters.  And then the poor salesman in broken Portugese had to explain how they had no credit history so Vodafone ("sorry it’s not CPW’s fault, we’re’ so nice we’d give you a share of the profits, but we’re gona have to blame Voda") would need them to pay a £100 deposit.  Now I have to explain that this lady and her 20 something’s daughter (oh and if you’re reading this Maria then contact Ewan who will give you my mobile number were in Chelsea and looking like they could buy half of Chelsea, if they didn’t already own it!!  It was quite embarrassing seeing the daughter explain to her mother why they were being treated with such little respect.  But to top it all, the lady then pulled out a - wait for it this is beautiful - a black Amex card to pay the £100 security deposit!!  Lovely!!! there is justice!!!

So then there was Fozia!!  I queued for 5 mins and then she dealt with me like a professional shop person who loves her job.  Answered all the questions well and politely and even gave me 2 Top Tips (read below).  I can’t really say any more, it is clearly a bit of a slow process going through the credit checks but it felt very efficient - just as long as "the computer says Yes".

So, mobile phone shops.  Are they all the same?  Are they horrible places staffed by morons?  Well probably not.  I think it actually comes down to whether you get the 16yr old Saturday staff (oh and you do know never to go shopping up the west end on a saturday for this reason don’t you!?) or the professional full-time staff member who cares about their career.  So I say, lets start a list of known mobile shop staff members who should be asked for by name, and boycott the kidz.

Top Tips: ok these might be bull, I’d love a techie-expert to confirm or deny.  But at least she gave them in good faith and with a friendly smile.  1. never charge your battery overnight - only ever do for 2 hrs at a time or you’ll kill the battery;  2. if you are having problems with some connectivity functions then take the SIM out now and then to de-static’ise it.  hhmmm?

So my one big fault with mobile shops: why on earth can’t they pre-charge some batteries…I now have to wait another 5 hrs, 37 mins and 23 secs before I can use my Bb…..oh I’m addicted already, I keep checking the screen to see if it says "go on then, have a quick snort if you want"…

——————

I’m delighted for you Steve!   I hope you get some good use out of the Blackberry.  It’s definitely revolutionised my lifestyle and freed me up from being chained to a computer all the time.

That said I’d really like to broaden my horizons with the other possible services out there — I’m thinking Good Technology, Visto and so on. 

Anyway I’m thoroughly enjoying reading everyone’s experiences of mobile operators — don’t hesitate to whack me an email and let me know if you’ve had some good/bad/indifferent mobile purchasing encounters?   I’ll try and see if we can get Steve to write a ‘Blackberry: One week on’ article shortly. 

I wonder if he’ll take to the device?

How about you? Blackberry: Best thing you ever did or total unmitigated mistake?

We all know that the mobile phone retailers are one step away from bandit territory, but it’s usually only when you’re trapped at a party surrounded by 3 exceedingly boring ‘Nigel from accounts’ type people that you get an inkling into just how a lot of these retailers work on the ground. 

You hear horror stories.  Here’s one featuring Phones4U.  I publish it anonymously at the request of the author who is a bigwig in the mobile industry and who was surprised, disgusted and annoyed at how he was treated. 

Thus we begin…….

————————

SEVENOAKS, KENT.  A few months back with our twin daughters imminently heading off to University, we decided that we should get them a contract phone to give them no excuses for not keeping in touch. After a bit of research, it looked like Phones4U had a bit of a deal going on with Orange. Seemed to check out ok when we quizzed  the 13 yr old sales boy.

Despite my protestations, they both decided they wanted the Moto D&G Razr (truly hideous IMHO). When we went back a few days later to collect the phones and sign the contract, we ended up with a different sales moron. Being a bit of a cynic, I decided to just check that the deal we thought we were getting was the right deal (cos it seemed too cheap to be true to be honest).

“Oh no, that’s the cost after the cashback that you have to send the bills in for,” she informed us. So that meant instead of £35 a month we would be shelling out £70. “And the of course there is the non-optional insurance,” she added. An aside – nothing prepares you for the shock of the cost of sending your little loved ones off to broaden their minds. So now at close to £100, it was no deal.

So the matter was decided, we didn’t want the phones. I should add that the phones were still in their boxes – they had not even seen the light of day. No problem, we will destroy the contract and that will be that.

Imagine our surprise when a few weeks later, a nice bill arrives form Orange welcoming to Orange and thanks for setting up a direct debit etc. A bit surprised, we try call P4U and are told “Don’t worry, it’s just a timing thing, just ignore the bill.”  Somewhat doubtful, we decide to accept their version of things and expect that’s the last we will hear about it.

Yeah right, last week another bill form Orange. Back to P4U – ask to speak to the manager. Oh dear he says, this is serious, I’ll have to escalate it to my area manager.

So expecting never to hear back from them, I call Orange and can’t get past the first line of their defences – even though the bills have phone numbers, they aren’t live on Oranges billing system, so the IV system just keeps asking me to enter your Orange phone number…..

Frustrated, I call the only other number on the bill, the sales number. It’s answered within 3 rings. Of course the poor girl is quite confused and keeps asking me if I want to buy a new handset etc. Why would anyone call sales to complain? After a rant about having more people on sales than on support etc, I give up for the night.

Imagine my surprise, when the next day P4U called me. We’ve done what we need to do, can’t do anymore, data protection, etc, etc, you need to call Orange, Thanks for nothing – really worthwhile escalating it to the area manager then!

So knowing I was on hiding to nothing, I tried my luck with the Orange call centre. This time I resorted to a trick I picked up on how to fool IV systems, just keep pressing 0 till you get connected to a real person. This time it didn’t work. So more determined I thought, let’s try #. Success, I’m into the next level. It’s becoming like a game. This time the 0 worked, great I’m into the next level. Mmm – let’s try “If you are thinking of leaving Orange”. Great, the phone is answered almost immediately.

Oh no it’s an offshore call centre, how do explain this one! The poor guy can’t understand that we don’t have the phones and we don’t want to leave, we just want to not get any more bills. Of course, since the contracts are in my wife’s name, he can’t do anything (I did, just for a few seconds think of saying that I was my wife.)

He promised to have someone call back, they never did.

So now feeling confident that I could fool their call centre, I tried again. This time I go for “lost and stolen handsets”. Great, answered almost immediately. He puts me through to their billing team. Repeat same sorry tale. “You mean you don’t have the phones?” he says. He says just to ignore the bill, it will all be sorted out – it’s just a timing thing.

Do I believe it’s fixed?

Nope – no confidence at all. It’s worrying that Orange can’t even deal with the basics. A basic check would tell them that the numbers and the IMEI’s of the phones have never been activated on their network. And how come their front end customer care system is out of sync with their back end billing system? How many people have active phones and don’t receive bills? Do they care about customer care and revenue leakage? Based on this it would appear not.

Went to T-Mobile in the end – now that’s another story.

————————

There’s quite a few mobile industry gems in this one.  Did you spot them? 

1. The fake prices — telling you it’s £35 a month, for example, when you actually need to spend £70 and then wait and send off bills to get cheques and blah blah blah.  The mobile phone retailers are getting quite adventurous nowadays with this cashback nonsense.
    
2. Orange customer support.  What smartie thought it would be good to lock out anyone who doesn’t have an active mobile number from calling Orange support?  Deary me. 
3. We’ve got your cash.  The apathetic Phones4U response is typical of the industry.  They just set up the contract.  That’s all they care about.  If you cancel, well, that ain’t their problem.  It is their problem though.  This kind of experience reflects phenomenally badly on them.

Do you know what I do if there’s ever an issue like this?  I fax the Chief Executive.  It’s just quicker.  That or call the PR. 

I strongly advise it.  Just look up the CEO’s name and send off a fax with a high level summary together with a bulleted point to-do list so they know what needs fixed.  No need with sob stories. 

If you fax on Monday night, you typically have a director level aide on the phone at 915am Tuesday to apologise and to tell you the matter has been fixed. 

It’s a shame that’s often the quickest way of getting things done. 

Bring on the experiences. 

I’m willing to bet you’ve got an experience similar . Take a few minutes and knock it out and send it to me - ewan@smstextnews.com.  If you’d like it to be anonymous, no problem, just say so in the mail.

A little while ago I solicited you all for feedback on your mobile provider experiences.  Generally speaking they’re all as bad (or as good) as each other.  Find someone who loves T-Mobile, and I’ll present someone who hates them.  Find someone who thinks Vodafone rock and quick as a flash, there’s somebody within easy reach who thinks the total opposite.

I’m particularly interested in the experiences and opinions of any SMS Text News readers because we’re all, generally speaking, mobile people.  If anything, our experiences should be slightly better since — logically — we know better, right?

Justin from BuddyPing rose to the challenge and sets his recent Orange experience out for all to behold thus:

———-

I got my Orange phone 4 months ago (I know it was 4 months, because my data bill was £50 this month as the 3 month unlimited plan ran out without warning).

So 4 months on, and I still have not receive £100 from Orange.

£100 I hear you say, why would Orange give you £100!?

Well, as part of the deal of signing up, I was told that if I give them my old phone, they will credit my bill with £100.  Problem is that, I still have not seen the £100 on my bill.  I rang then 2 months ago about this, and Orange help desk told me I had to get in contact with the shop I bought it from as it was a deal with the dealers and not with Orange. 

Problem is of course, I bought it from an Orange shop!  So does Orange not own their shops ?

Anyway, I digress, I rang the shop, gave them the IMEI number of the old phone I gave them and was told "it is now on the system".  But of course, 2 months later, nada, nothing whatsoever.

And here is the kicker…

I have stopped using my Nokia N80 as I lusted after my old Treo 650, you know, keyboard, PalmOS (REALLY nice and fast!), IM, Email and it just bloody works.  One of the main reasons I got the N80 was that it looked nice, was Symbian, 3G, video, the whole thing!

Well, my Treo 650 is 2.5G, has a camera and that is it, and I love it. 

Orange well and truly sucks, drops my 3G connection, looses calls and basically is the shitest operator I have ever had.

Rant over!

Oh and I have to say, Orange is shite again because, I have had 5 or 6 companies ringing me on my new number saying something like:

Them: "Hello, is that Justin Davies"
Me: Yup
Them: "Hi, we understand your contract is up for renewal soon"
Me: "Uh, no, this is a new mobile you are calling me on"
Them: "Oh, ok, sorry to bother you"
*click*

Now, has Orange listed me in their public directory ?  Why was I not given the option to "opt-out" when I signed up ?  I would have told them to shove it up their arse if I had known that.

I am utterly pissed off with Orange and have 9 months left to go.  JOY!

———-

Enjoy Justin

If you’ve had an interesting experience with a mobile operator recently, I’d like to know.  Take a few minutes and knock it out in an email to me at ewan@smstextnews.com so I can tell the world.

Just got this in from Sucker — a transcript of his recent conversation with Orange.

Sucker: Hello, I’d like to upgrade my phone for only the second time in the 7 or 8 years I’ve been an Orange customer.

Orange: Ok, what would you like?

Sucker: A K800 please.

Orange: Sorry, that phone is out of stock sir.

Sucker: But the website says it’s available for new customers.

Orange: The connections team have a different stock level to the existing customers team.

Sucker: So, if I disconnect and then reconnect with a new number I can have a K800?

Orange: Yes

Sucker: Send me my PAC code please.

Orange: Ok, that will be with you in the post in 2-3 days.

Sucker comments:

No attempt to placate Sucker, other than ‘you’ll have to wait until it’s in stock again’. Is this some kind of perversed attempt by Orange to reduce their client base? Maybe they’re too busy to deal with all their customers.

Good choice on the K800 by the way, Sucker. I reckon you might as well churn yourself — you should hopefully get a better service plan deal too.

So if you were buying a new phone contract today, who and what would you buy?

Ever since Orange released their ‘unlimited’ texting deals, I’ve been glaring at their ads as I walk around the London Underground.

500 minutes and unlimited texts for £35 a month is good. Very good. Stuck on T-Mobile, I’ve just recently swapped to some Relax timeplan. Can’t remember which one, but it was archaic. I bought minutes - I dunno, 600 minutes and 100 texts. What the hell use is 100 texts? Not a lot if you’re sending between 5-15 texts a day.

The ‘unlimited’ texting label on the various Orange price plans is really, really alluring. Mega attractive. Now, I know this is the equivalent of 3,000 texts a month on account of their fair use policy. That’s fair enough. But that’s 100 texts a day!

If you’re a regular user of texting, it’s worth looking at how many you purchase in your service plan — I’m willing to bet (and the Bentleys in the Operator car parks testify) that most people go way over their text allowance and end up being totally nailed to the wall for 10-12.5p a text. That’s what does a lot of damage on my price plan.

A lot of my friends are spending 40-50 quid a month on texting OVER and above their price plan allowance. Many operators don’t give you sufficient opportunity to buy in bulk. I can remember looking bewildered a few years back with my Vodafone account — I’d bought the top deal - 65+VAT or whatever — that’s the most you could buy up front as a consumer at that time. You could then add a block of 50 texts for a fiver or something. Something like this. That was no damn use at all — and routinely, before VAT was added, my monthly bill was topping out at 150+.

I was in an Orange shop today.

I would’ve swapped to their £75 unlimited deal. If it wasn’t for their absolute CHEAPNESS of making it unlimited texts, 1600 mins and unlimited OFF PEAK data. OFF PEAK? You’re off your rocker Mr Orange.

So I’m stuck on T-Mobile. Or, I choose to remain on T-Mobile. Yes I love their 7.50 unlimited data deal (particularly after I blew a grand on some international data last month - idiot). But the rest of the price plans are totally unspectacular.

I’m just not satisfied.

My shirt is still being ripped from my back every time I’m out of my service plan minutes and I want to call someone on a mobile.

39p a minute on some plans.

What the hell is going on here?

It’s a massively sophisticated method of getting as much cash as possible from us all.

When I can make a call to America for a penny a minute, or totally free in many cases, what is our industry regulator doing about me calling my friend Tom on Orange at 40p a minute? A few more pence and it’d be a premium call.

Of course it’s all about revenue generation isn’t it. They’ve got a few more years from us before it all falls apart and Wi Fi, WiMax or [insert technology here] introduces a bit of meaningful competition.

It’s not all bad though.

If you hunt around, there are good deals to be had. Extra minutes. Extra texts. In fact most operators are now offering bulk buy bundles putting texts at around 3p a go. E.g. Vodafone allow you to buy 1,000 texts a month for £30. Fully recommended — because 1,000 texts at their standard rate 12.5p is £125
Still I have a bit of a problem paying £30 extra when my brother is poncing about with unlimited texts on a 35 quid a month plan because he’s a student.

For quite a while, o2’s ‘bolt ons’ have been rather useful. I recently noticed that T-Mobile’s online control panel allowed me to buy discount texts in bulk. Never knew that.

But you know what, if I was buying new this weekend, I think I’d be buying the £75 Orange unlimited deal, inspite of their ridiculous off peak policy — you know this is going to be reversed at some point. I know that if I met anyone from Orange, they wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye without smiling if I asked about this strategy.

Now over to you: You’re reading SMS Text News, thus you’re not a consumer — you either work in mobile or you have a specific and probably a professional interest in the industry — so, I’d be really interested to learn your opinion on this question:

If you were getting a new contract today, what network and price plan would you pick?

I’ve been talking to Alex on and off by email and over IM for quite a while now, particularly as he’s been making some really valid (and brilliantly cynical comments and contributions) here on the blog for some time.  As Chief Technical Officer and Co-Founder of SendMyTxt, his comments come with the context, awareness and experience of one who works day to day in the mobile industry.   (You won’t believe what his current ringtone is, though, make allowances as he’s a Spooks fan — I can’t wait for the next series.)

Reading through the answers to his questions as I marked them up to publish, I couldn’t help but smile in recognition of some of the situations and points he makes about the industry. 

Right then!  To the questions… mobile brick phones at the ready!

1. What was your first phone and network?
A Motorola M400 (the dreaded flip without a flip) on One2One. In fact, I’ve got it in my hand at the moment. 300 grams of pure brick power. I got it back in 1994 for my 18th birthday, and it cost £350 from a car audio shop in Dulwich, South London. All my birthday money went on it, which is sad really - nowadays kids seem to be able to get new phones with their pocket money each week, and still have change left over to top up and blow all their credit on ringtones!

2. What is your current mobile configuration? (Handsets, networks and so on)
After a while of trying to live with two handsets - one for work and one for personal, I gave up and stuck with the work one. It’s a Sony Ericsson P910i on a Vodafone group tariff, which is fab as we get to share minutes, texts, and can call each other (or the office) for free. However, there’s not much love lost between us and Vodafone - which is why we’re changing to Orange. My new shiny Nokia N80 is sitting here waiting for number porting.

3. What was your first exposure to working with the mobile industry?
I put together a monitoring system for BSkyB’s website back in about ‘98 - which alerted the webmaster via SMS if anything went down. It relied on a load of modified paging software, and an old analog modem that dialled up to each network in turn to send a text. They didn’t charge anyone for the service, so given a big enough bank of modems you could have theoretically run a ‘free sms’ website.

4. What is your current day to day role?
I’m CTO (and co-founder) of SendMyTxt, a mobile services company based here in the UK - so day to day my role is quite varied. We operate a flat company structure and all ‘muck in’ with the daily chores, so I can be working through the technicalities of a new interconnect one minute, on the phone to a customer the next, and then later might be in a pre-sales meeting. Variety is not only the spice of life, but keeps your brain ticking over - and helps breed new ideas and ways of thinking.

5. When was the last time you sent a picture message and a video message?
Got to admit it’s not been for a while. I got a cross-network MMS the other day, which downloaded about 50% and promptly aborted itself - taking the MMS notification with it. Last time I sent anything was when I got a parking ticket, and couldn’t get the photos I’d taken off my phone - so I sent it to my email via MMS.

6. List the UK mobile networks and give your experience of them?
Here’s the interesting thing - it’s always changing. My opinion of them a year ago is so different to now, and will probably change in the future. But anyway, here goes.

Vodafone - Used to be great in all ways, the leaders, innovators, and all round rock solid network performance. Nowadays, having spent too much money on F1 drivers to advertise their brand, I feel they’ve lost their way. Oh, and we’ve had nothing but trouble with our handsets - which is why we’re going to Orange. As for the SMS side, hmm. Got to say that a lot of the time their SMS platform - both premium and free to user - seem to run like treacle having a race with a milk float.

Orange - I’m more impressed as each day goes by. Their continued innovation and ‘different way’ of looking at things fits in well with my ethos. Remains to be seen how great their handset service is, as I’ve never used Orange for my primary mobile service.

T-Mobile - still have nightmares from the one2one days. No matter how much rebranding they do, I still think of their awful customer service, technology and general drabness from back in the day. Personally you’d have to drag me kicking and screaming to use them as a main handset provider, but that’s just my 10p worth.

O2 - Used to be good, but where’s the spark gone? I remember Genie being the best thing since sliced bread - but O2 in their infinite wisdom killed it off. Shame, it had real potential.

3 - I had a 3 Motorola phone ages back. Wasn’t at all impressed by the quality of the network (I seemed to spend most of the time on O2), and the 3G features weren’t all that. Fast forward to today, and well, maybe it’s just me being sucked into their marketing and PR spin, but I’m impressed. They seem to be constantly innovating.

7. Name three innovative mobile services or applications that you’ve seen recently? Say why you think they’re good.
Oh gosh, this is a hard one. Some of our customers at SendMyTxt have come up with some really impressive services over the past few years, but I wouldn’t want to favour any particular one. In terms of stuff that isn’t related to work, I’m still impressed with Shazam - it’s both lost and saved me a few quid in pub bets over the years. Nothing much in the UK has really grabbed me recently.. so I’m either so used to SMS that nothing seems new anymore, or we really aren’t innovating like we used to (see my rant about the networks!)

8. What’s your ringtone?
Depends who’s calling. At the moment my main tone is the theme from the TV series Bewitched. I usually make my own ringtones from CDs and the like, so I get exactly what I want and don’t have to pay for it

9. Which are the most used applications and services on your main handset?
My web browser for accessing email on the go (Gmail and Outlook Mobile Access), and (rather shamefully) Solitaire. I’d never really played cards until I got stuck on a long train journey one day, so fired it up and learnt how to play. I hope I can find a version on the N80, otherwise I’m gonna have to carry both phones around!

10. Which three people do you most rate in the mobile industry?
Tough call. John Davies at Cable & Wireless is a top bloke, and although he’s a bit far away to have a pint with since he emigrated to New Zealand, I owe him quite a few. There’s so many other people I’ve dealt with over the years that have come and gone, probably too many to mention here though. Oh, and of course you Ewan. The man with the master plan. I really enjoy reading your blog and contributing, long may it continue..

11. What was your mobile bill last month? What do you think is a fair amount to pay for your mobile service each month?
Actually I don’t know.. I only ever know it’s been a high usage month when I get a rather pissed off beancounter on the phone asking whether I ever get the chance to sleep. Most of my bill nowdays is data, as I’m always on the ‘net when I’m out and about.

12. How many times have you voted for Big Brother? Assuming you did - or pretend you did - do you think you should get your money back since they’ve put a whole load of those housemates voted out back in?
Actually I don’t think I ever have. Not intentionally anyway. As for the whole refund malarky, well I’m undecided. I mean, do people really think their votes do anything? I’ve always had the funny feeling things like these are rigged..

13. What sites do you regularly read to keep up to date with mobile?
Yours of course.. The Register is good for mobile news too. Also sites like BBC News are a great way of seeing a mobile industry story from ‘the other side’ of the fence. It’s good to take a step back and see how the real world views something.

14. What one issue or technological advancement would you like to see with the mobile industry? What are you looking forward to?
Introducing multicast properly and allowing straight to handset broadcast. Wasn’t ‘high speed data’ the whole point of 3G? Why is mobile TV coming over DAB then? You might as well just strap a freeview box to a mobile. If operators gave proper data access and worried less about crap like video calling and walled proprietary multimedia content, it’d create a proper truely open platform for content providers to give consumers what they want.

15. Where do you stand on mobile vs ipod?
I have 1Gb of memory on my SE phone, and regularly keep it loaded up with music, movies, and TV programmes. Watched virtually half a series of Spooks a while back on my little screen. Certainly passes the time on long train journeys.

16. Have you ever bought anything from a shop (ie not a ringtone) via your phone?
I’ve occasionally bought access to sites and services by text before, but apart from that.. can’t say I have.. I’m setup for Paypal Mobile, but still yet to find a real use for it. As for using my browser on the phone, ecommerce can be clunky at the best of times - so I doubt I’d bother try on my mobile.

17. What’s the last movie you saw at the cinema?
Er, this is rather embarrasing. It was the Brit Flick ‘Confetti‘, with Jimmy Carr, Martin Freeman, etc. Got to admit I’m a great fan of torrents, DVDs, and Sky+, so with the £8 plus for a cinema ticket nowdays I’m usually more inclined to stay at home and spend the money on popcorn, chocolate and beer instead. I also keep meaning to go see movies, and by the time I get around to it they’re not on release anymore. Last one I pencilled in to see was ‘The Da Vinci Code’, but wanted to read the book first. Having read the book, the film wasn’t on anymore. Got to wait for the DVD now.. but at least I can transfer that to my mobile and watch it on my travels

Thanks for taking the time, Alex!

I am more and more impressed with T-Mobile as the year has gone on.  17p + VAT (20p inc) for a picture message?  Ace.  Absolutely ace.  And you know what, that’s to any UK handset, not just T-Mobile customers.

I used to snigger inwardly when friends told me they were on T-Mobile.  I can still remember having a T-Mobile phone as a student and putting my hand over the handset only to see the signal strength bars drop from ‘5′ to ‘1′.  Heh.   I used to get a feeling of quality from having my Vodafone account.  Since I joined T-Mobile properly (I’ve always had a Blackberry with them), I have been a little nervous about call quality.

However this concern proved to be unfounded.   To a large extent I think I, and a lot of other mobile ponces still view T-Mobile as ‘one2one’ and a bit cheap - in terms of price and quality.

What a turnaround though.  Unlimited data for 7.50/month.  17p picture messages.  Good quality price plans.  Online billing. 

As they say at McDonalds say, I’m lovin’ it.

I got another mail from Dan Lane of BlackFin this morning on the Orange Unlimited service plan.  If you recall, I did a piece on it last week.  I got his mail just as I was perusing a related thread on MoDaCo about the potential of Orange introducing an £8 unlimited add-on.

Dan writes:

So further to what I mentioned the other day… I’m looking into Orange’s Unlimited tariff… I’m not sure I’d ever contemplate upgrading to a 75/month tariff but I wanted to know more.

In the terms and conditions I found:

———

The Offer provides Eligible Customers with one of the following "Unlimited Bundles" dependent on their talkplan:

    * Dolphin £35 - Unlimited Text Messages Bundle
    * Racoon £35 - Unlimited Fixed Line Calls Bundle
    * Canary £40 - Unlimited Orange Off Peak Calls Bundle
    * Panther £75 - Unlimited Text Messages and Off Peak Data Bundle

———

OFF PEAK DATA BUNDLE!

Yeah, no wonder they put "Unlimited Bundles" in quote marks!.

I can’t even comprehend the meeting in which someone thought 75 quid for unlimited data was competitive before some other marketing chump stood up and said "we can restrict it to off peak!".

As for the target market for this tariff… the high cost puts it firmly in ‘businessman’ territory but that kind of user is far more likely to be attracted to peak-time data bundles.

Orange haven’t so much dropped the ball on this one, they fumbled around a bit before kicking it into a ditch. I look forward to seeing them attempt to recover the ball by poking it with sticks.

No wonder Dan is positively vomitting with annoyance.  Off-peak?   An OFF PEAK data package?  Like I’m going to wait until 6pm to use the data on my handset?  What planet are they on?

There might be a special £8 add-on data plan.  There might not.  The MoDaCo thread on the subject has a ton of conflicting views.  You have to seriously wonder what’s going on there at Orange Towers.  Can’t they just make it simple a la T-Mobile’s £7.50 a month proper unlimited deal?

I was caught sleeping. 

I didn’t know Orange UK had launched an unlimited plan. 

It was actually a mail from Dan Lane that called my attention to this news.  Dan is Managing Director of BlackFin Ltd.  (Incidentally I have a lot to write about BlackFin soon).  Back to Orange:  No one told me.  No PR.  No announcements.  Not even a press release sent into the ether that I could pick up on.

Anyway, yes, an unlimited plan from Orange?   Could be interesting.

The critical issue for a lot of people I meet is data cost.  In fact, almost everyone I meet who is NOT on T-Mobile’s unlimited data plan (extra 7.50/month to whatever plan you’re on), feels a total FOOL when I tell them what I use.

I don’t say this lightly.

I mean they feel a COMPLETE AND UTTER FOOL for paying money to an operator that charges them two or three pounds a meg for data. 

It’s not good.  It’s nothing short of appalling that any mobile professional in the UK should feel constrained by their data usage because they’ve got a shit service plan from a smart operator charging them through the nose.

Anyway.. here’s Dan’s email:

I’ve been eagerly awaiting [Orange's] response to T-Mobile’s Web ‘n’ Walk packages since they released them and I couldn’t be more disappointed.

What a pile of crap!.

Sure, unlimited SMS and landline calls are on there but for me the real attraction is unlimited data… with T-Mobile I can get unlimited data for under 30 quid a month… with Orange… 75 quid a month (both on 18 month contracts)

As soon as my Orange contract is up I know I’ll be switching providers!

With that in mind, let’s have a look at the offering:

I can’t link you directly as the Orange system doesn’t seem to support that.  Instead you need to navigate there yourself from http://shop.orange.co.uk.  Or click on the screenshot to the left.

So, the best one worth looking at is Panther at £75 (on 18 months).  I’m not interested in anything that isn’t unlimited which means I need to dump all the 12 month plans and focus on 18 months.  So…

Well, first of all, it’s not unlimited.  Not quite. 

Texts are unlimited.  This is good.  Sure, it’s most probably subject to a fair use policy, but that works for me.

Second, there is unlimited mobile browsing.  Also, wicked.  Finally.  This equates to a 1,000mb fair use policy as per the terms and conditions.  Again, acceptable.  Good news.

You get 1,600 minutes.  Now that is 53 minutes a day.  That’s pretty good.  It’s not brilliant though.  But we’ll continue.  What else do you get?

- unlimited free calls to your Magic Number
- inclusive Orange Care phone insurance
- 100 more anytime, any network minutes included when you buy online
- dedicated Customer Service
- 4MB free email for three months

I don’t quite know what this ‘4mb email’ thing is.  I wonder if in fact, you only get unlimited mobile browsing — that is, looking at web pages — but you are charged for data access?  E.g. I wonder what happens if you connected your laptop to the web — are you charged extra?  It doesn’t say on the page.

So, summary…

For £75 quid a month, you get unmetered text messages (to other UK phones) and unlimited mobile browsing (whatever that specifically means), along with a few other cool options and 1,600 minutes.

Why couldn’t they have gone the whole hog and made it ‘unlimited calls’? 

I think this is a good deal for some.  No doubt there will be quite a few Orange customers upsold to one sort of unlimited plan or another.  Initially, the £75 option is very pleasing on the eye. 

However if you’re looking for just unlimited data, you need to fork out £75 a month for the Panther plan — compared to adding £7.50 to your existing T-Mobile service plan for the same facility. 

It’s a step in the right direction.  I will need to take a very, very close look at whoever releases a £75 (or similar) plan which includes unlimited texts, unlimited calls and unlimited data.  (All, of course, ‘within reason’). 

‘The network is total shite’ says Alex Kinch.

He goes on to explain:

It used to be good a few years back, but we moved all our company mobiles to them about a year ago and have had nothing but trouble with calls mysteriously disconnecting, handsets falling off the network, and best of all - a rather strange randomly occuring screeching noise, enough to make you drop the handset before your eardrums blow. Happens on three different models, three different SIMs, and many different areas of the country. Weirdness…

Anyone else had similar issues?

I’ve always found Vodafone super quality compared to other networks — however I can’t comment at the moment since there’s only a carrier band signal in this part of the world at the moment.  Useful for texting only!

Now and again people email me opinions of their network providers — anything from horror stories to examples of where they’ve gone above the call of duty.  I don’t think I’ve actually published any so far — but starting today and on a slight whim, I’ve created a ‘Satisfaction’ category. 

I’d like to know what you think about your mobile operator.  To kick us off, I’ve an opinion from Alex Kinch. 

If the mood takes you, mail me in your experiences.  A couple of lines and I’ll knock’em up here under this category. 

When I sat and thought of a positive opinion of my current mobile suppliers, all I could think of was T-mobile and how grateful I am having their unlimited data plan.  :|  Oh, and how annoyed I am with Carphone Warehouse’s Fresh Telecom website.